Saturday, April 30, 2011


This morning I started to catch up blog reading I have ignored because of allergy attacks this week. All I can say is, "wow". Apparently there are some really nasty people using the blogs to vent at posters without any consideration of anything. I'm not a totally "if you can't say something nice...." person I'll admit, but why can't comments be written constructively? I actually feel sorry for people who vent at posters knowing their comments will hurt-what are they missing in their lives that they feel the need to wound?

Sometimes I am not a nice person. I miss deadlines, I say something without thinking, disappoint a friend. I don't set out to be "un-nice", it happens. And, I think it happens to all of us whether we admit it or not, whether we want it to happen or not.

We have a had a pretty horrendous couple years in this household: my cancer diagnosis, subsequent surgery and recovery. Lou's vascular problems, his stroke, his surgeries, rehab, near death last December. The continuing elder-care issues in Ohio. One of the things I have learned through all this is that " sickness and in health" can be really stressful. It can be numbing, it can be immobilizing. It can spill into all other areas of your life before you realize it. It forces the questions: "Why me? Haven't I had enough, G-d? What else can go wrong?"

And then I look at the good things in my life: our daughters have grown into interesting young women, Lill pushing the envelope into space as a planetary geologist doctoral student and Sarah in a masters' program exploring the past through asian paintings and porcelain. Lou and I both have jobs. Lou has the kind of friends at work who donated enough leave that through all the traumas we never had to worry about a paycheck. I have sisters-in-law that forget about the "in-law" part. I read blogs by young women trying to raise their families putting their children first, knowing that childhood is fleeting. I listen to Car Talk and Wait, Wait, don't Tell Me on Saturday mornings.

So, I guess I don't understand the need to wound. My friend Robin says I have always looked at the world through rose colored glasses. I'm aware of the nasty stuff- I suffered enough as a teenager to still carry the scars. I just try not to let the nastiness define my outlook. My heart goes out to those who have been wounded when it wasn't necessary. I guess it does come back to "if you can't say something nice..."--maybe some people need some lessons in civility.


  1. I seem to have missed all the nasty stuff, thank goodness. I'm with you San-Dee, if you can't say something nice and civil, don't say anything at all....

  2. You are so right San-Dee...if you can't say something nice dont say anything at all...I use that phrase all the time and I try to live by it.
    You have been through a lot, we have all been through it but I think it is how we look at things and react to them that makes us who we are. We don't ask why, we just plow on ahead with our lives. And I think it is so much easier to be nice! I think some people actually work a being difficult and unkind to others.

    hugs from Louisiana

  3. I have a quote on my office wall, although I don't know who said the words; " Be kinder than necessary. For everyone you meet is going fighting some kind of battle". I try hard to think about that before I open my mouth and utter words I will regret later.